I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
