Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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