He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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