Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
