Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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