I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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