I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
