I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
