if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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