just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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