found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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