Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
