just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
