I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
PANTIES FOUND
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