There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
