I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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