Will you blow on my dice?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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