$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
