Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
one two three fourrrrnication!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
