it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
