I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
