When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
