What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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