apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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