oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
