I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
