it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
