My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I understand Curling. That high.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
