I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
