he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
