you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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