I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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