once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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