just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
