he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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