life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
