i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
