I hate your face
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
