I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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