i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
pray to the hookup gods
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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