What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
