i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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