the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You're like the curious george of whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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