There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
