Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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