I wish I could punch you in the face.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
