I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
