your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
