the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
