So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
