i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
