The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
