im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
