You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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