If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
