Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize