my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
