I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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