i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
