those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
