I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
