Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Congratulations! We have a period
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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