I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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