somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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