I'm going to jail i love you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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