he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Randomize
