Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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