I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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