Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
