how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
