And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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