bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
