I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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