That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
