Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
